Well, let me start off my saying that I am totally PMSing right now, so, any stressor that comes my way already gets an amp of plus ten!!!!!
Today: 6:00 a.m. my husband violently vomits in our bathroom :( We have all gotten a horrible stomach virus and he seems to be having the most difficulty overcoming it, Sunday morning at 3:00, all three of us celebrated Halloween via violent pukefest! The terms of a virus roaming around our home and causing our daughter suffering are unvbelievably tormenting factoring in that I myself feel like absolute hell and can't comfort her as I give myself whiplash over anything with a drain for the entire day but...in the words of Jay-Z on with the next one...which is a continuation of today, Tuesday)
10:30: Our family friend who cleans our house comes to clean the house, I'm relieved because this will help me in the quest to disinfect our house of all the germs from the virus which my m.i.l. so kindly reminded me over the phone the same Sunday that we were all sick that...."these germs stay in your house to, you have to disinfect everything or else you'll get it again" which of course I, having OCD...REMEMBER!!!!!!! I took this as I am totally totally responsible for disnfecting all of my house ASAP because if my daughter gets sick again, it's my fault, so I lay in bed with that all Sunday but, continuing on....so relieved to answer the door to have help cleaning and disinfecting the mean germs in my household when I see her daughter behind her who is SICK, vomitting, coughing up blood....."she is just going to stay here while I clean, I was contemplating taking her to the hospital but, I'll just keep an eye on her here" was the explanation I received, to which my reply was of course and please please take the hint...."oh that's awful, if you need to take her to the ER, I totally understand, you can come back another day, we were all very sick with this bug too and we are just getting over it" her response" oh no we'll, stay she's just going to lay down" (AWSOME....) my response: "she can lay down on the coach downstairs and watch TV (I hadn't disinfected that yet), she comes back with: "well, I was just going to have her lay down in your room" (WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!, I had just disinfected that room and washed all the sheets and comforter!!!!!!!!!, how is this not processing??????)
So, my daughter and I leave, all the while I'm obsessing about how terrible of a parent I am for not being more assertive and allowing these germs BACK into our HOME after I was getting the house DISINFECTED now, I have to do it again and more, and again, I'm an awful awful mother for my need to please over my daughter's health/life :(
My mother in law was also at our house shortly to share some good news and she called my husband to tell him that there was a sick girl in our bed understandably so....on her part, so I get a phone call from him, agitated that this happened, feeling even worse for not sticking up for our helpless daughter and the threat of infection, he calls our friend and asks her if she can come clean another day....so now of course I feel badly about that too, she's going to think I told, even though I should have not let this happen in the first place so I might as well have told or done something more than I did because my need to please didn't get fullfilled anyways ughghghg, all through my head, I'm a horrible horrible mom, the inner critic just having a wonderful song and dance in my conscience :(
So, when my daughter and I get back to our home I am prepared with Lysol I bought that day to disinfect which I am so nervous about doing because I try to disinfect organically with non-toxic products because reading information about chemicals having an impact on your baby and her environment when you have OCD is tormenting!!!! but, that's the best I knew to do with viruses, I did not see any organic made product that said "kills 99.9 % of virus and bacteria" so I had to to do, so I spray the areas of the house that my daughter will not be in presently like crazy, open windows even though it's freezing outsite and now as she sleeps, of course I am obsessing about toxic particles coming into the airs and infiltrating her small lungs!!!!!
Oh and...to top it off...it's election day and some of the candidates have had pretty cruel campaign motives so....if someone advocating for them says one thing to me while I'm in line to vote......let's just hope people notice the steam shooting out of my ears as I stand in line at the booths because if not...they are going to experience a wrath of .....oh wait, nothing, I'll just experience it all because I have a need to please!!!!!
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