Tired, What's on her head????? Tired, Tired,

Sept. 29 2010,
    Since last blogging, I have been obsessing about the fact that I might have appeared stupid and annoying from my last blog and that I had not articulated perfectly EVERYTHING that is on my mind...oh and, I am not a master blogger in terms of utilizing all the available blog technology to my advantage because...I'm terrible with computers/websites and taking the time to learn everything overwhelms me and I'm defeated before I even begin but...nonethless I am still going to write, even if my blog looks like stick figures compared to every other blogs being perfect portraits.

Today, I was and still am very tired (almost beyond tired point now where just feel like crap but body is somehow still awake in overstimluation).  Our daughter was up all night due to her croop cough waking her up and she did not take any naps longer than 40 minutes today, she is miserable, I feel terrible. 

Also, when I'm tired, my mind is like a chicken running around with his head cut off (poor analogy I know but again...I'm tired) and it's less tolerable than days where I get a decent amount of sleep.

My husband and I have been watching the new Robin Hood with Russel Crowe (incredible)  in between naps and I love watching it but...as with all action packed movies, it increases my anxiety and need to check if available on our daughter.  For example, when archers hoist their arrows at castle walls, climb them and start an explosion with some type of tar like substance wrapped into a ball of black fabric I see the same exact thing in my head happening in our daughter's room so I check to make sure no archers have entered our "castle" to blow up our daughter's room.  Each time something highstrung occurs, (which I love love love action films), I automatically want to check on our daughter because I see it happening to her and that is painful.

Also, as I was rocking her to sleep this morning for an attempt at a nap, the sun was coming into her room so well even with the blinds drawn that the details of her face and skin were almost "over" observeable (if that makes sense) and it seemed like she had a protrusion coming out between each eye, like a tumor, or swelling frontal lobe????  I stared at it in a panic for half an hour and really wanted to research it when I put her down but...I did NOT!!! because researching medical information on the internet when you have no medical background for someone like me is treading on dangerous and inevitable panic attack ground where I would spend the rest of the day imagining how my dialogue would be between discussing how it felt to lose my daughter to a swollen frontal lobe or maybe a thrombosis?????? and what kind of ceremony I would hold for her, if I would take off and live in a shack on the beach with my husband because being around here would be intolerable.....instead, I sat with it, I'm still concerned but I did not do any internet research!!!!

Shine,
Andrea